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3 Answers

16 yo Junior w/ MASSIVE CRUSH

Asked by: 2145 views Boyfriends/Girlfriends, Coming Out

Dear Chad, I am 16 years old, attending a new high school, and I am gay. Never have I disclosed this part of me to anyone else before. I was bullied a lot in elementary school for being the brainy kid, and (not in anyway tooting my own horn) unique kid. I was independent, not very social, and very creative. Bullying taught me that being different could mean being discriminated for it. If I was going to be harassed for being smart and creative, what would happen if I came out as gay too? Today, I live my life like any other teenager - with the exception that I study harder and I have never had a boyfriend. I didn't want anyone to know that I am gay, so boyfriends were put to the side, and girlfriends would have been impossible for my lack of interest in them (any farther than friends that is). So, for the past few years I have consumed myself with work to distract my more romantic side. That was working out great, until I met him. I met a senior at my new school (which I enrolled in this year as a junior) that is not only gay, but I believe has a major crush on me. He is constantly finding an excuse to give me the biggest hugs ever, poking my cheeks, and spend as much time he can with me. He is kind, smart, handsome, and absolutely heart-lifting. The problem is, after a few weeks of this attention, I have fallen for him. I don't want to say it is love, but I smile just thinking about him, I look forward to seeing him everyday, and yesterday I almost cried thinking that I could never know whether or not we could work out. He is a senior, and in a few months he will be off to college. Then there is peopling finding out about my sexual orientation, and possibly family finding out what is going on. My question is, what should I do? We've known each other for about 3-4 months, and every day this feeling grows stronger and stronger. Should I risk going out with him and have the entire school know that I am gay, or play it safe and let this one go? Thank you for everything, B

3 Answers

  1. Billy on Dec 05, 2014 Reply

    If we assume he’s gay, he may have seen something in you that intrigues him or his “gaydar” leads him to think you are or might be gay. Of course he might just like you because you are so unique and interesting and in his eyes different from the other boys. Does he like you or just want sex?

    The problem is, he is a senior and leaving soon. If he is going away to school, it’s likely he will meet lots of new guys. It is difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship. I worry that you will come out to others for him, have a short relationship and then he will drop you when he leaves. Then you will be out to everyone and have to deal with that with no long term benefit. I would advise you to be careful because there is the large potential of being hurt really bad and that can upset all of the gains you have made in the past.

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    • BAnonTeen2 on Dec 07, 2014 Reply

      Hi Billy,
      Thank you for answering my post! Quickly, I want to point out that the senior does not want to have sex. You have written my fear, logic. I’m an extremely logical person, and I figured this was the response someone would give. Logically, it doesn’t make sense to even attempt to be in a relationship with this guy. Even though my heart is pounding YES YES YES, I have to use my head which is constantly bringing me back to reality. It’s strange how this guy takes me out of reality sometimes. Anyways, thank you. My last question then is, how do I get over this crush so I don’t hurt myself down the road?

      Thank you for everything,

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  2. Billy on Dec 09, 2014 Reply

    It’s not surprising that there is a YES YES YES as that is part of having a crush and wanting someone. You have already taken the first step in realizing that it is a crush. You’d be surprised at how many guys can’t make it to that first step, so congratulations. I know it’s a cliche but time is a big healer. So is turning your attention on someone else. And there is no harm in keeping a part of that crush in a small corner of your heart – as long as it doesn’t become too dominant.

    Being logical is a good trait, but sometimes we need to take a chance if all the cards line up. That wasn’t the case here, but it may be in the future. If everything looks positive, then let your heart rule sometimes also.

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