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Commitment

Asked by: 1441 views Relationships

Dear Chadz, I have been seeing a guy for three years. I have been in the closet so the only time we see each other is at night. We sneak each other in when our roommates are asleep. So lately the guy (Will) I have been hanging out with/ hooking up with wants more. Will wants to hangout in public more and go to dinner together and stuff. Will is not closeted necessarily and some people know he is gay. We have a few mutual friends, but they don't know we know each other. So when he asks to go out, I am paranoid we would run into some of the mutual friends and wonder why the two of us are at dinner just the two of us. I just wanted to know how do I further my relationship with Will (not necessarily to BF) without feeling paranoid about being outed. Is it possible to be in a relationship while closeted. This issue has caused numerous arguments between us, because he doesn't think I am putting as much effort into hanging out with him as he is with me. Brad

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  1. jaxx on Jan 22, 2015 Reply

    You are not the only two who have faced or are facing the same problem. It’s natural for Will to feel neglected and a bit annoyed with your secretive behavior. As it has in the past, it will continue to causes arguments between the two of you. You both know that the solution to this problem lies with you and that it is you that must take some action to appease Will.

    If you don’t want to come out directly, then you have to find a way for the two of you to be together -and I don’t mean in secret. Since you have mutual friends, that will be the solution to the problem.You need to think of some logical reason why it’s logical for you to be together. Since I don’t know either of you personally and I don’t know your interests, you will have to think of something.

    It could be you met at the library at the same table, or at an exhibition or art gallery when you accidentally bumped into each other and knocked one of you down and the other had to apologize. Then one of you can tell the story to your mutual friends and the other can confirm it if asked. You could invite Will to a movie or dinner to make up for your clumsiness. That of course leads to being friends and no more worries about being seen together.

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