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Let go or be honest?

Asked by: 1367 views crush, Decisions, Friends, Junior/Senior
Coming Out

Dear Community,   I am going through an emotional roller coaster. I'm a junior, and for the past 4-5 months I've been really good friends with a senior at the new high school I transferred to last fall. If you've read my previous posts you know the whole backstory to this. Well I've finally come to a definite crossroads and I torn on which way to go. I can either be honest to him about my feelings and come out of the closet, or remain only a friend to him and remain in the closet for a few more years? One of the biggest obstacles preventing me from moving forward with a decision is that every time I see him and hang out with him I get lost. Lost in the sense that I feel my world becomes tethered to only one thing, him. He makes me feel happy, anxious, flustered, excited, warm, wanted, appreciated, valued, secure. Then when he has to go to class, or I do, I carry those feelings for seconds longer before I'm sucked back into my second point. My second point or obstacle is that he is a senior and so any relationship that does spring up will be short term, or non-existent as even if he does like me back (80% sure he has had a crush on me for months) I'm in the closet. How can I promise him a relationship when I'm not confident in myself enough to be open to everyone about my sexual orientation? He doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone who will laugh at his jokes, hug him back and never let go, will march from here to there in pride for being his boyfriend. Honestly, I could be that, but not now. I don't know how yet. So, what I need help with is whether or not to be honest to my senior? If I am honest with him and open up on how I truly feel about him, and he says that he doesn't like me that way  is not the problem - I trust he will keep it a secret. The problem is if he says yes, and wants to become more than friends. Should I risk it, or play it safe and let my heart swell and fall for selfless torture? 16 and Nevada. Thank you.   Sincerely, B

1 Answers

  1. Chadz on Jan 26, 2015 Reply

    Personally, I think it’s time to lay the cards on the table and be honest with him about your feelings. It’s the only way to resolve this internal conflict you are undergoing. Once you talk it out you will know where you stand. Otherwise you’ll be second guessing yourself for the rest of your life. You need to clearly explain your feelings and what you are able and not able to do right now. He may well say that he likes you but that neither of you is ready for a relationship right now. At least that will clear the air. If he likes you but not as someone special, at least it’s possible to remain as friends. It will also free you from all the angst and allow you to move forward with someone else. I hope it works out for you -all the best.

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